Colin Miller - A retirement out of the blue

A Test debut at 34, then an Allan Border Medal punctuated by a sudden exit - Colin Miller's international career [18 Tests] was brief but fashionable, literally, and not always because of the different shades of hair-colour. Miller started off as a seamer before picking up off-spin, and could do both at the Test level, and this assortment style of bowling helped in claiming a sack full of wickets, 446 in all, for Tasmania before he called it quits in Victoria. Miller's 17-year-old first-class career came to a halt in 2002 before the colourful all-rounder fittingly shifted base to Las Vegas.

EXCERPTS:

For someone who had played the game for so long, how did you feel about the timing of your retirement?

I think most professional athletes around the world will tell you that not many at the highest level get to choose their retirements. I was told that I should retire. At 38, you are likely to get a tap on your shoulder and I did get one. Personally, I always believed that as a cricketer, you would know it two ways - either if you're physically not good enough or if you're mentally getting weaker. Well, physically I was fine. I was always a gym lover. If I wasn't working out, I would be training. Always keeping myself fit. Mentally, I thought I was fine too. Until about six months after my official retirement. I realized that I wasn't enjoying playing club cricket anymore, not enjoying the training sessions or my personal gym sessions. You can't be a professional athlete and have a mentality like that. That's when it struck me that I was probably done mentally by the time I retired. Having played a lot of cricket might have been the reason. I could see the end but you never want to see the end to come, and I kept delaying it. So, in hindsight I think the retirement came at the right time.

Given that you moved from Tasmania to Victoria before the start of the 2001-02 season, how crucial was the shift in the context of your retirement?

I do feel it was significant. I was the No. 1 spinner at Tasmania back then. We didn't have any spinners coming through just yet. I was a sure starter there and probably could have played another 18 months without playing for Australia. But now when I look back, if I had clung on for that much longer, I would have been 40. When you've played for so long, you don't want to be blocking the spot of someone younger. Personally, I would have loved to be playing till 43. But, for the betterment of the sport in the country and importantly for the spin-bowling stocks at Tasmania, it was better for me to leave.

Once you officially announced the retirement, how did the mind and body cope with the development?

As I said earlier, it wasn't a planned retirement. I was thinking of playing the next year as well. It wasn't until midway through the start of the pre-season of the following year that Victoria informed me that they wouldn't be putting me in their squad for the upcoming season. So, when you're not able to make your State squad, that pretty much ends your international career. Remember, I had played for Australia just six months earlier. So, for me, it was totally out of the blue. It took me a while for the reality to sink in. I expected that I would at least get one more year of first-class cricket, play my last game at the MCG in front of my family and friends. But I never got that opportunity. So, I was obviously angry at the time but later as I realized that the timing was indeed right, I started to feel peaceful within.

How did life change after retirement with respect to your routines, especially with respect to fitness?

Well, I haven't been asked this question in a long, long time. I was always a gym junkie. When you retire, you think that "I'm going to skip the gym" or "I'll start bingeing at McDonalds" or "I'll have loads of ice cream". Or maybe lie on the couch for hours doing nothing. But I actually went to the gym twice a day for six months after I retired because it had always been my routine. Then, on a certain Wednesday, at about 7 am, I was at the gym, doing a bench press. It suddenly struck me. What was I doing? I had retired six months back. I didn't need to do this anymore. After that day, I didn't go to the gym for the next four years.

Many cricketers have stated the transition to the post-retirement life as a taxing process. How did you cope with the challenge?

It sure is. Fortunately for me, while I was still playing for Australia, I had started a bit of after-cricket works. I was doing a bit of media work, doing some public speaking, corporate speaking. I even had the Colin Miller Entertainment Night being promoted extensively around the sporting clubs in the country. Thanks to all this, the transition to being an ex-cricketer wasn't all that difficult for me. However, the hardest part of not being an athlete anymore in a team sport, is to not have a team. For 17 years of my life, I travelled around the world with 15 guys. Suddenly, all that finishes. That's the hardest part. It's not that I miss playing cricket. I miss being part of a team and that's something that I've always struggled to get over.

After a hectic sporting career of diet constraints, post-retirement is generally the time when a sportsperson finally has the liberty of cheat meals. How has it been for you?

I have always had to look after myself. Probably due to my passion for hitting the gym. Currently, in this lockdown, I am doing a lot of walking and running as well. In saying that, I'm still heavier than I used to be in my playing days though. Speaking of cheat meals, I've always loved potato chips. I could just keep eating them all day. It's a big weakness of mine. Also Scotch Whiskey has been a personal favourite, especially Johnnie Walker. I have cut down on carbonated drinks though. I could always lose weight easily. I could probably lose 20 pounds in a month-and-a-half if I wanted to. However, I am someone who dieted for a large part of my life. So how does it matter if I don't in this phase. I still hit the gym but the only thing that I'm keen on, is to stay in shape.

You said about missing the fact that you don't have a team anymore. Have you been in touch with your old teammates??

Absolutely! Recently I spoke to Stuart MacGill. About a year-and-a-half ago, Damien Fleming was here in Vegas with his family. Just spoke to him a couple of days ago as well on a video call. Jason and I have always been close friends. My wife also knows Jason quite well. Adam Gilchrist was here in Vegas just a couple of months ago and we bumped into each other at an ice hockey venue. He had tried contacting, but my phone was off the hook. It's hard when you stay on the other side of the world. The time difference between Australia and USA is large. But we all keep in touch through social media. If they plan a visit to USA, they ring me up. Steve Waugh and Greg Blewett were here a year or so ago. If any of them are here, we almost always meet up. But I can't always go to Australia these days because I have a full-time job here.

Was the post-retirement shift to the US a pre-planned decision?

Not really. It just sort of happened that way. My wife Cindy is an American. We met during the 2001 Ashes series in London where she used to be working for a British firm. I remember being in a sleeveless shirt with a bit of blue hair while meeting her. I probably felt I'm a cool Australian. Things just clicked between us and after an extensive passage of doing the long-distance relationship, we got married. After my retirement, I was mostly working in the media in Australia. Cindy had moved to Las Vegas and was occupying a top position in a construction firm. They had just taken up a big project involving a resort. Not something she could have done in Australia. So, it made sense for me to make the shift because to be honest, I had already finished my dream career, achieving all that I wanted to achieve. I felt that my wife should also be able to fulfil her goals. I've also started working, so we both are quite happy here. Las Vegas is actually a very good place to live in.

Many former cricketers have echoed an opinion that retirement does bring an excessive mental baggage with it. Some have even struggled to cope with the pressure and gone on to seek treatment.

Even I have had my share of mental struggles. Not to the extent of undergoing treatment but there comes a time in your post-retirement life when you feel like life isn't the same anymore. You suddenly have more free time than you're used to. It takes a while for the mind to accept the change in reality. Mentally, it's a very demanding situation and I'm glad that many players are going out in the open these days to speak about it. Even while they are playing. It didn't happen about 20 years ago because those days, nobody spoke about mental health. I'm really glad that athletes from various sports are expressing their concerns. There are people who think "That fellow is making five million dollars a year, why is he sad?". What they don't realise is, to make that amount of money, athletes have to compromise heavily on their private lives. During my playing days, cell phones were a rarity. So were cameras. But today, it's impossible for people to not have these and that in turn means that being famous trims privacy to a considerable extent. I don't think people these days realise how much the current day athletes have to sacrifice to be famous.

You've done a bit of coaching and were also in the race for being Bangladesh's head coach in 2007. Now that you're into a full-time job, have you put cricket behind you for good?

When I just moved to Las Vegas, I did get a few coaching assignments in various parts of India. But the thing is, I had been on the road for almost 20 years. The feeling was that I wanted something stable. It was a difficult choice because for me, the big picture was to always work in India. To develop the game there because of the depth of opportunities that you get and also due to the obvious financial gains. But I also wanted to be associated with some of the institutions that were working with under-privileged kids. The problem was that I wasn't sure of the guaranteed income I would make in India, as opposed to what I could here at Vegas. In hindsight, I wish had. I still hope to be involved in some capacity with cricket in India. Or any of the Asian countries. In the US, the system is just not in place for cricket. So, if I were to return to cricket, I would love to do it overseas. Perhaps fly down for a couple of weeks, four or five times a year maybe.

Being an international cricketer, you were habituated with fame and recognition. Did the dynamics change after retirement?

When I left Australia, I hadn't made any public announcements or declarations. So, for the first three years after retirement, people probably thought that I had disappeared. They didn't know that I had left Australia and moved to the US. And then, the news spread in the media that I'd moved to Vegas. It was then that people started to talk about me. Even yesterday, someone sent me a video on my Facebook timeline. It was the anniversary of Darren Gough getting me out to seal his hat-trick. I remember being furious after getting out that day but once I walked back to the dressing room, Mark Waugh said to me "That would have got me out too", and that's when I got calm. About 20 people sent me that video yesterday. The week before, people were sending videos of me in blue hair and Courtney Walsh laughing. It's amazing! I think I had more media and public attention now, than I did 20 years ago.